


A Miracle For Christmas

by nanaxyu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:16:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5466185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanaxyu/pseuds/nanaxyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was snowing the night Baekhyun left, and every snowy Christmas after was too painful to bear. It’s been three years and the dull pain is still there, will probably always be there, but Chanyeol only allows himself a tiny shred of hope. One in the form of a three years old tear stained letter signed by an ‘I love you, Baekhyun.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Miracle For Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I promise it's not as depressing as it sounds. probably.

  
_IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, LET THEM GO. IF THEY RETURN, THEY WERE ALWAYS YOURS. IF THEY DON’T, THEY NEVER WERE. – ANONYMOUS_  
  
It was snowing.  
  
Chanyeol could still remember the smell of the fresh air that night, it was so cold he was surprised Baekhyun didn't ask him to reschedule their date.  
  
Christmas was just around the corner, but between school, club activities and part-time jobs there wasn't much time left for the two of them to spend together.  
  
He smiled as Baekhyun came out from the hall where drama club's Christmas production practice was held.  
  
"Sorry I'm late," Baekhyun murmured, still trying to zip his coat.  
  
Chanyeol chuckled, reaching to the older boy's help, tightening the scarf around Baekhyun's neck as well,  
  
"Here," He smiled, "Shall we go?"  
  
Baekhyun's hand slipped into his as they headed out to the bus station.  
  
It was snowing.  
  
The cafe was cozy and warm, sweet scent of fresh pastry and freshly brewed coffee almost made him dizzy but it was home.  
It was where it all started.  
  
Baekhyun has been awfully quiet that day.  
They have never had awkward silent moments, or for that matter, silent moments.  
Conversations were always easy for the two of them, from the very beginning, it just felt so natural that they could talk to each other for hours without realizing.  
  
"Baek...are you okay?" Chanyeol asked eventually at some point, when Baekhyun didn't touch his cheesecake for a good five minutes.  
  
Baekhyun looked at him, confused, before realizing what he meant.  
  
"Yeah...I just..." He sighed,  
  
"Do you want to go home? Are you not feeling well? I know you're not good with cold days like this, I'm sorry, I should have rescheduled this--"  
  
"Chanyeol," Baekhyun was smiling, much to Chanyeol's relief, and his hand caught his own under the table, thumb reassuringly caressing it.  
  
"I'm fine. It's just... can we... could we...could I stay over...in your apartment? Just for tonight?" He asked, and Chanyeol felt him shivering as he did.  
  
That was new, Baekhyun never stayed over ever since Chanyeol moved out to his own apartment.  
  
When he was still living with his parents and they were younger, Baekhyun would come over for sleepovers, in which they attempted to stay awake all night long and played video games.  
They grew up and high school came, and Baekhyun's parents were convinced they were too old for sleepovers, convinced that their son should stay home and study if he had time for that. Chanyeol didn't know if they were suspecting, but he also knew Baekhyun never told his parents about their relationship.  
Baekhyun's parents wouldn't disown him, that Chanyeol was almost certain of, his parents loved him, and probably would have loved him whether he liked a boy or a girl but he never mentioned that to Baekhyun, who tried to avoid the subject like  
plague.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked eventually, squeezing the other's hand under the table,  
"Yeah..."  
  
Few hours later, as Chanyeol was rummaging through his closet in search for something for Baekhyun to sleep in, the latter sat on his bed, looking out the window as he spoke up.  
  
"They're getting a divorce."  
  
Chanyeol froze.  
  
"There has been nothing but yells and arguments in our house in the past few days. Everything just... fell apart." Baekhyun was smiling but there were tears rolling down his cheeks and Chanyeol moved to kneel in front of him, cupping Baekhyun's face in his hands,  
  
"They were so good for each other, so why? Why now?"  
  
"Baekhyun..." Chanyeol whipped the tears with his thumbs,  
  
"I know, Chanyeol, I know it happens, it's their choice and I'm not a kid anymore but... what if it happens to us?" It hurt.  
It wasn't his fault, Chanyeol knew, of course seeing his family falling apart one would have his doubts.  
  
All he could do was sit next to him on that bed, hug him tight and tell him it's going to be alright. So he did.  
  
That night he held Baekhyun as he cried in his sleep, that night he swore he would never make Baekhyun cry, that night, he may have cried for Baekhyun too.  
  
***  
  
The things I wanted to tell you, things I wanted you to know.  
  
The things I wanted to show you, those that I wanted you to feel.  
  
So many of them I have left, I hope you're doing well. You're not crying all alone, are you? Don't cry if I'm not there to make you smile.  
  
  
Chanyeol dropped his pen, sighing.  
  
It was snowing again outside, Christmas was just around the corner, in just a few days he would get to spend the holiday with a bunch of friends, drinking, talking nonsense, then he will stay all alone. Jongin would excuse himself half an hour before midnight to meet his boyfriend, Kyungsoo, whom they have yet to meet, Sehun would usually leave not long after for some kind of a date of his own. Jongdae and Joonmyun, being the only ones who knew him from before, even if they didn’t know exactly what happened, would wait until everybody else is gone and then give him 'the talk' making sure he isn't having a mental breakdown before leaving.  
  
Chanyeol would walk around the frozen streets of Seoul until sunrise before going home. It's been this way for the past 3 years and he was starting to wonder if this is what fate meant for him to have for the rest of his life.  
  
It's been this way ever since the day before Christmas 3 years ago. The day Byun Baekhyun disappeared from his life.  
  
3 years since the morning he woke up alone in his apartment, walked to his kitchen in hopes to surprise his boyfriend only to find a tear stained letter placed neatly on his table.  
  
 _I'm sorry this is how I'm telling you.  
  
I didn't mean to, hell I really wasn't going to.  
  
I didn't tell you the entire truth. Yes, they are getting a divorce.  
  
I have to go with my mother, Chanyeol. I can't stay, I wanted to. I was so angry when it happened, I wanted to stay here, I was going to ask you if I could stay with you.  
  
You wanted us to, didn't you? I'm so sorry, I have to be good for her just this one time, she's all alone, with my brother abroad,  
  
I'm all she has now. you understand, don't you?  
  
I don't want you to wait for me, I don't want you to be stuck on me and my problems, you have enough on your own. So I'm  
  
going to let go now, I'm going to let go because I love you, we are young and silly, maybe. But I do.  
  
Please don't hate me. Had I told you in person, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to leave.  
  
Maybe one day we can meet again. Don't wait for me, okay? We will be fine. We always are, aren't we?  
  
I love you, _  
  
Baekhyun signed his name in the bottom, accompanied by a little heart that got blurred by his tears. Chanyeol didn't know what to think, what to feel.  
  
He ran to the Byun household, but Baekhyun's father was too drunk to be any kind of help and there was a 'For Sale' sign on the gate. Baekhyun and his mother nowhere to be seen.  
  
Baekhyun's cellphone was out of reach. There was nothing left to do.  
  
He should have seen it coming. He should have known something was going down.  
  
Baekhyun should have told him, he thought at some point, but then he realized Baekhyun was right. He would ask him not to leave and burden the other even more.  
  
He told him to move on, not to wait, but how could he? That Christmas, Chanyeol cried more than he cried in his entire life. Because it was Christmas. It was their time, but there was no 'them' anymore.  
  
Maybe he'd come back one day. Maybe.  
  
So he held onto this. Unable to move on, that was all he could hold onto.  
  
Sometimes, like tonight, he would write things he would like to share with the other, thoughts, experiences, everything.  
He wrote it down in that old worn out notebook he once used for writing lyrics and music.  
  
It took him more than a few seconds to realize his phone was ringing.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Hyung! It's Jongin"  
  
"I'm know that, what's up?"  
  
"Well... there is that thing. I... well. We were thinking... for Christmas meet up. Would it be okay if Kyungsoo and his flat mate join us?" The younger male hesitated,  
  
"Uh, sure? I mean why are you even asking me?"  
  
"Because it's your apartment?"  
  
Chanyeol laughed, right, that was true but nobody has ever asked him for permission, they all just came along with each other in the first place.  
  
"It's fine just bring food or something!"  
  
"You're the best hyung! Thanks!"  
  
Chanyeol sighed, what was that even about...  
  
***  
It was snowing.  
  
Christmas was just around the corner and Byun Baekhyun looked out of the window, wondering if maybe this year, now that he is maybe slightly closer, he could have his Christmas miracle happen for once.  
  
It was snowing that day so many years ago, too.  
  
"Hey, Baekhyun, Jongin and I are going to a Christmas thing his friends are holding on Christmas Eve, want to come along? You have hardly left the apartment except for work ever since you moved in," Kyungsoo was looking at him, eyes wide open as he waited for him to respond.  
  
What was there even to celebrate though? He hasn't for years.  
  
Ever since he moved out with his mother, they have been moving around a lot, she had to work extra and then Baekhyun started getting part-time jobs and they hardly saw each other anyway. There wasn't exactly time for holidays.  
  
On Christmas, ever since, he would be working a shift, busying himself with dishwashing, waiting tables, doing any kind of job he could get his hands on.  
  
On Christmas, he didn't want to let himself lose it to his thoughts, because if he did he would think about him. He would miss him. He would be too tempted to leave everything and go back and if he went back, he thought to himself bitterly at the time, there is no guarantee he wouldn't come back to someone else being held in Chanyeol's arms.  
  
No, he couldn't go back looking for him, when he was the one who left in the first place. He was the one who disappeared, leaving nothing but a stupid letter. He wouldn't even be surprised, if Chanyeol hated him, and that thought on its own was too painful for him to bear, so he busied himself with others.  
  
"So?" Kyungsoo asked again, cutting Baekhyun's trail of thoughts off,  
  
"I... I don't really..."  
  
"You're thinking about him again, aren't you? Just come with us, you can meet new people, it will distract you. Okay?"  
He never exactly told Kyungsoo much about Chanyeol, not even his name, but Kyungsoo knew there was more to it. He never asked any further, somehow, he just knew.  
  
Baekhyun met Kyungsoo not long after moving away, they went to the same school for three months before Baekhyun moved again, but somehow, they kept in touch.  
  
Texts, email, Skype calls, he even visited Kyungsoo once for his birthday.  
  
Baekhyun could never point out an exact timing or reason they got so close, but they did. Kyungsoo was the only one he could probably still refer to as a friend without doubting it.  
  
Sure, they teased each other about not being friends all the time, but in the end of the day, it was Kyungsoo who asked him if he wanted to move in with him when he had no choice.  
When his mother was offered a position abroad, he knew she had to take it and he knew she wouldn't want to leave him alone.  
So he told her he could stay at a friend's place until he sorts things out and everything will be fine because he saved a bit for university and it was no big deal.  
Except he didn't really have a place to stay.  
He wasn't going to ask Kyungsoo for help, it just happened, he still wasn't sure how exactly Kyungsoo found out, maybe it had something to do with his cellphone being out of service, but three days after sleeping out in the street, Kyungsoo found him at his workplace and dragged him home.  
  
Few weeks later, he found himself back in Seoul, sharing an apartment with his friend he couldn't be more thankful. Being in Seoul though, also meant being closer to where he assumed Chanyeol still was and that thought on its own still scared him.  
  
"Okay." He said eventually, it was just a friendly Christmas party, right? Maybe he will even manage to get to know some people. Maybe he could do that...  
  
"Cool. I'll let Jongin know, by the way, you leave your socks on the floor one more time and I'm going to let you sleep out in the snow. Just saying." Kyungsoo added before leaving the room.  
  
Baekhyun chuckled to himself yet hurried to fix whatever mess he has left on the floor because as much as Kyungsoo wasn't as mean as people sometimes thought he was when he glared at them, he could get scary. Sometimes.  
  
It was snowing.  
Maybe the snow will bring something good this year for a change.  
  
***  
"Okay guys, so I'm bringing Kyungsoo along this year. Please don't do anything stupid." Jongin begged, mostly looking at Jongdae and Sehun who were already smirking at him and exchanging gazes.  
"I'm being serious here! And his flat mate is new here so. Yeah. There is that. Don't scare him off?"  
"Is he cute?" Jongdae asked smirk never leaving his face.  
"Kim Jongdae! This is worse than first time family meeting." Jongin whined,  
Chanyeol laughed, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder, "Don't worry Romeo, I promise to behave!"  
  
Christmas meet ups always started and ended with food and drinks. More food than drinks usually. Especially after the time Sehun tried proving everyone he can hold his alcohol well, which, they all found out in the hard way, he couldn't.  
Then there was gifts exchange, which was mostly for fun than for real presents.  
Last year Jongin and Sehun thought it was funny to get medical gloves and sticky notes for their victims. Chanyeol was pretty sure he still had the gloves lying around somewhere.  
After that there was more food, stupid games and hanging around and then it would be about time when people started leaving.  
  
Chanyeol sighed as he placed the last of the Christmas tree decorations on before taking a step back and appreciating his art work. Not bad.  
Not as nice as Baekhyun used to make it look, but it was an improvement.  
 _Are you having a good time now?_

  
Maybe he should get a mistletoe, just to mess with Jongin. Yeah, that sounds like an idea.  
  
***  
Baekhyun was just about to check his email when he heard a knock on the door, the sound of running water told him Kyungsoo was most likely in the shower, which left him no choice but get it himself. Even if it was probably just Jongin. It was usually Jongin, there was hardly anyone else Kyungsoo would invite over, and he himself didn't exactly have visitors.  
His assumption was proved right as he peeked in to see who it was before opening the door.  
  
"Hey hyung, is Kyungsoo home yet?" Jongin asked, smiling.  
  
"He's showering, feel free to come in though?" He closed the door behind them, letting Jongin to come in.  
  
"He said you're coming with us tomorrow, I'll come to get you guys around 6?" The younger man gave him a questioning look and Baekhyun nodded,  
  
"Sure, yeah." He almost forgot about that. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to agree in the first place, but Kyungsoo would most likely force him out even if he didn't.  
  
"Good. Did you get anything for the gift exchange yet?"  
  
Baekhyun stared at him dumbfounded, gift exchange....gift exchange... crap.  
  
Kyungsoo has mentioned that they were doing some kind of rotating gift exchange kind of thing and everybody was to bring a present on a budget of up to ₩15,000.  
  
Right.  
  
"I...was actually just about to go out for that. But...I don't know any of you guys?"  
  
"Don't worry, it doesn't have to be anything cool. It's the fun that matters!"  
  
Kyungsoo was getting out of the shower telling Jongin to stop harassing his friend and Baekhyun excused himself out.  
  
Three years ago, around this time, he'd be questioning Chanyeol about the secret present he's been hiding from him.  
  
Three years ago, around that time, he thought to himself as he tightened the scarf around his neck, he'd be crying into Chanyeol's chest.  
  
Three years ago, he would be running to that one store that sold that one hat Chanyeol wanted so much but couldn't bring himself to buy.  
  
Three years ago, he would be coming back home holding his wrapped gift to his chest, smiling to himself, only to enter the house and find chaos.  
To his mother packing bags.  
  
He wasn't a child anymore, but he was not an adult either.  
  
It never seemed like this, but the truth was, Chanyeol has been the one who could take care of himself on his own, not him.  
Despite what the rest of the world might have been thinking about them.  
Chanyeol was clumsy, forgetful sometimes, but he was able to live on his own.  
Baekhyun didn't know. He didn't know what to do, torn between his mother and himself, he couldn't tell her he wanted to stay.  
  
He couldn't let himself stay.  
  
He was going to tell him in person. He stayed the night in his apartment and he couldn't bring himself to.  
He was a coward so he wrote a letter and left it in the kitchen.  
He was stupid and he knew it but it couldn't be helped, past cannot be erased - that's what he kept reminding himself every time.  
  
Heading to the bus station he wondered what kind of presents do you get for people you have never met and somehow, few hours later, he found himself buying a hat.  
It wasn't like Chanyeol's that was still wrapped neatly, carefully placed in his closet but something inside him just had him on it.  
  
***  
  
"Think your boyfriend's flat mate can actually bring Chanyeol back from the dead?" Jongdae asked Jongin frowning and glancing at Chanyeol who was sitting on the floor, face deep in thought, somewhat sad even, and wrote something in his old notebook.  
  
"Maybe. They're kind of alike, I guess?" Jongin replied, attempting to finish wrapping the special gift he had apparently made for Kyungsoo.  
  
"Alike? You mean you're bringing another big crazy man into this apartment? Isn't this one enough?" The older of the two gestured at the taller man who was now holding his notebook above his head frowning at it in an attempt to read.  
  
"Well, I don't know about crazy, but he's not big. Just I don't know, they're both like, locked away? You know what I mean, he's with us but he's not exactly...all out there, Kyungsoo said there was a guy... something about heartbreaks, you know the drill,"  
  
"Maybe we should set them under the mistletoes Chanyeol and I set for you--"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Nothing! I have to go now! Lots of stuff to do until tonight!" Jongdae announced happily before rushing out of the door and  
Jongin swore he needed to pick his friends better.  
  
He really hoped they won't embarrass him in front of Kyungsoo.  
  
Kyungsoo was as close to perfect as one can get, and while he knew the other is probably aware of many of his flaws, he didn't need his friends rubbing those in his face all night.  
  
Why did he agree to it again?  
  
Right. Kyungsoo.  
  
***  
The smell of fresh baked cookies filled the air and Chanyeol smiled to himself, Baekhyun would laugh at him and ask them if he poisoned them for him.  
  
Chanyeol would pout and tell him they're perfectly good, but you don't have to eat them, before Baekhyun would grab one and  
finish it in one bite.  
  
He wondered if he's supposed to be mad at him, if he is supposed to stop remembering all the good times they had, and hate him for leaving alone. He has come to the conclusion that no. He can't hate Baekhyun because it was Baekhyun.  
It was his Baekhyun, even if he was gone, even if Chanyeol would never get to see him again, even if he went off and found himself someone else.  
  
 _You're such a pain in the ass, you know that?_ He smiled and placed the tray on the table, admiring his work when the door started buzzing non-stop, he rolled his eyes,  
  
"Jongdae! Get the damn door!" He yelled out to the living room,  
  
"I'm getting there!!!"  
  
He sighed as he heard the door opening, Jongin's voice greeting Jongdae and probably introducing his boyfriend or something.  
  
He wasn't paying much attention to it, still fixing the cookies in the tray when he heard Jongdae's surprised voice,  
"Baekhyun?"  
  
His heart stopped. He must have misheard.  
  
"Jongdae." He heard it. A slightly confused, slightly stressed voice, the same voice he'd been hearing in his head for three years, the one he'd been longing to hear again for real.  
  
"I didn't know it was you! How have you been?" He heard Jongdae again, should he come out now? What if...  
  
 _'Maybe one day we can meet again. Don't wait for me, okay? We will be fine. We always are, aren't we? '  
Are we now? If I go out this door and you see me, will we be okay? _  
  
Chanyeol bit his lower lip as he closed his fingers around the door knob, taking a deep breath. Is he really going to be there now?  
  
"This is big though! Chanyeol is going to--"  
  
"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun's voice was merely a whisper, there was panic in his voice.  
  
Chanyeol froze.  
  
"Is...is he here now...?"  
  
"Well, it's his apartment, of course he is! Didn't you know? Wait wow, this is big let me just get him--" Jongdae started but  
Baekhyun cut him off,  
  
"No, I--I'm sorry, I'm so stupid I have to go now." Chanyeol could hear the door opening.  
  
 _'Please don't hate me. Had I told you in person, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to leave.'_  
  
 _You don't need to leave anymore, why are you running away?_  
  
He didn't realize he'd ran past the living room without stopping to apologize to Kyungsoo whom he'd probably pushed a little on his way out, he didn't realize he'd gone out until he felt the fierce cold around him, sinking into his bones.  
But there he was. Leaning against the wall, the plastic bag he was holding dropped on the snow to his feet as he held his face in his hands, shoulders shaking.  
  
He was real.  
  
***  
Stupid. Stupid. So stupid. He should have known. He should have known better than to...  
  
Than to what?  
  
He couldn't understand himself anymore.  
  
The moment he saw Jongdae everything got so confused. He hasn't seen anyone who was in contact with Chanyeol ever since. He didn't even properly say goodbye to Jongdae himself, who was after all, his friend at the time.  
  
He wanted to see Chanyeol. He missed him so bad. There was nothing stopping him from doing it now, so why couldn't he bring himself to?  
  
 _You told him not to hold onto you, you told him to let go. You told him you're letting go. You left him._  
  
Guilt. Confusion. Anxiety.  
  
He couldn't even feel the cold as he leaned against the wall outside of the apartment building, covering his face in his hands.  
  
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  _Why are you even crying right now? You have no right to cry. You left him._  
  
 _"Don't run away from me."_ He heard Chanyeol's voice in his head.  
  
 _"It's okay now..."_  It wasn't okay.  
  
But it was suddenly warm, and he suddenly realized it wasn't in his head.  
  
"Baekhyun..." Chanyeol's hands held his and slowly took them away from his face.  
  
"Look at me."  
  
He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to see anger or hate in Chanyeol's eyes. He wanted to remember him as he did. Caring, soft, smiling.  
  
"Baekhyun, please."  
  
He slowly opened his eyes, vision slightly blurred from tears.  
  
"Baek..."  
  
He looked at the snow behind Chanyeol's shoulder, there was no bite in the other's voice, yet he couldn't bring himself to look up but Chanyeol cupped his face in his hands,  
  
"Just look at me..."  
  
His breath stopped as he did.  
  
There was no hate.  
  
There was no anger.  
  
There was just Chanyeol. Just his Chanyeol and he was a teenager again.  
  
"You're not mad." He murmured,  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"You... don't hate me."  
  
"I don't."  
  
"Chanyeol..." and he didn't care if he wasn't the one anymore.  
  
He didn't care if Chanyeol would push him away in a moment.  
  
He needed to know he was real.  
  
However before he could do anything, Chanyeol's arms were around him.  
  
Warmth spread inside of him despite the cold weather,  
  
"You're here now... that's all that matters."  
  
He could feel Chanyeol's breath on his cheek as he spoke, he was breathing in Chanyeol's scent.  
It felt like home.  
  
It felt like home more than anything else.  
  
"I'm so sorry." He murmured, voice sounding more broken that he'd hoped, tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't even know why he was crying.  
  
Anxiety. Relief. Fear...  
  
Home.  
  
"You told me to move on... you told me not to wait but you wrote  _Maybe one day we can meet again,_  how could I not?" Chanyeol asked softly,  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You're here. You're fine."  
  
"It's been three years, I..."  
  
"Have been feeling guilty ever since... Baekhyun, look at me."  
  
He did.  
  
Chanyeol was smiling, there were tears in his eyes too.  
  
"I know you. I'd like to believe I still do."  
  
“I could have come back… I could have at least tried reaching your phone once everything calmed down… but I didn’t. I was a   
coward, Chanyeol. I was… I am… so selfish…”  
  
Chanyeol’s large, rough hands cupped his cheeks,  
  
“You’re freezing…” Baekhyun murmured softly,  
  
“I don’t care…”  
  
“I do…” Baekhyun brought up a gloved hand in attempt to cover the younger man’s bare one.  
  
“My car is just out here… we can talk there… just… don’t leave.”  
  
Baekhyun’s heart clenched painfully as Chanyeol led him to his car, turning on the engine and the heat.  
  
  
“When you were gone, at first, I got scared. Then I saw your letter, and I was angry. I kept thinking how you should have just talked to me… and then I panicked, I was worried… how didn’t I see this before? I kept asking myself... all this time I wondered if you were doing alright. You’ve had it tough after you left… haven’t you?”  
  
Chanyeol hesitated for a moment before carefully taking the glove off Baekhyun’s hand and covering it with his own.  
  
Baekhyun shook his head.  
  
“I was fine. I learned to be fine… I thought, at some point, maybe… maybe… but I did nothing. I was so selfish, so selfishly scared of your reaction… I was scared that maybe you have already moved on… God, even in that stupid letter I tried telling you to move on but all I really did was to—“  
  
Chanyeol’s index finger pressing to his lips cut him off.  
  
“I…I realized this later but… I would have done the same, Baek. I probably would have done just the same.”  
  
“Chanyeol…”  
  
“It’s almost midnight,” The younger man whispered,  
  
“Baek, if… if there is anyone else right now I—I’ll understand. I don’t know if we can go back to being friends like before but…I can try. I want to try. If there is anyone else for you right now I—“  
  
But for once Baekhyun wanted to be the brave one and take the first step.  
  
For once, he wanted – he needed Chanyeol to know.  
  
He leaned in closer, brushing their lips together. Just for a second.  
  
“There is…” He murmured, looking straight into the younger man’s eyes,  
  
“There is only you.”  
  
He took a deep, shaky breath.  
  
“There has always been only you. The you that I don’t… That I have never deserved.”  
  
  
It was snowing when the clock hit midnight.  
  
It was snowing when Chanyeol gently brushed the tears off Baekhyun’s cheeks, ignoring his own.   
  
The pain and uncertainty in Baekhyun’s eyes… It was the same.  
  
It was still the same Baekhyun he knew. Has always known.  
  
“Are you my Christmas miracle?” He asked softly before leaning in to capture Baekhyun’s lips properly this time.  
  
It wasn’t perfect, far from perfect but it was good. It was real.  
  
Even if they would have to get out and rush to the building in the snow in a few minutes because the weather seemed to be only getting worse, even if they were both crying.  
  
Because when they did go out of the car, Baekhyun’s hand was still warm in his.  
  
His apartment was dark and quiet by now, the other must have left.  
  
Later, after he sent Baekhyun to the bathroom with dry clothes to change into, he found a note in Jongdae’s messy handwriting on the table saying,  
  
 _If anything got stolen while you were busy making out with Baekhyun in your car, just so you know it’s not on me.  
By the way thanks for telling me it was him all that time. Not. I thought we were friends! I had to find out from Jongin’s fucking boyfriend that you guys were dating before?!  
  
Anyway, play nice.  
Merry Christmas guys. _  
  
Chanyeol snorted as he finished reading it.  
  
“What is it?” Baekhyun asked as he emerged from Chanyeol’s bathroom, wearing the younger man’s hoodie that was way too large for him and sweatpants that he has folded so he doesn’t trip on them.  
  
“Just… Jongdae. Being an idiot, nothing new. He wished you a Merry Christmas too though.”  
  
They both laughed, and Chanyeol could have sworn he has never seen anything more beautiful than the smile that graced Baekhyun’s lips once they calmed down a bit.  
  
“It’s late…” The older man said quietly, taking a step closer, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck.  
  
“It is…” Chanyeol’s hands rested on the other’s waist,  
  
“Mistletoe.” Baekhyun whispered, gesturing at the plant above their heads, making both of them chuckle before Chanyeol leaned down to kiss him.  
  
It was snowing.  
  
It was snowing outside but there, in Chanyeol’s bedroom, warm bodies pressed together as moved against each other, they couldn’t care less.  
  
There was nothing rushed about it. Chanyeol handled him gently, almost carefully, as if he afraid Baekhyun could break or disappear any moment.  
  
His hand traveled all the way up to Baekhyun’s, intertwining them together above the other’s head, thrusting deeper inside him.  
  
  
“You’re not going to disappear in the morning are you?” Chanyeol whispered softly later, after they have cleaned up, bringing the smaller man in his arms closer to his chest.  
  
The insecurity in his voice made Baekhyun’s heart clench painfully once again.  
  
He looked up, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through the taller man’s already messy hair.  
  
“I won’t.” He whispered back,  
  
“If you take me back… Chanyeol…” He let his hand travel down to Chanyeol’s cheek,  
  
“If you take me back, I’m yours to keep.”  
  
  
  
Cold.  
It was cold when Chanyeol woke up, the sun was only starting to rise above the snowy streets.  
  
It was cold and he was alone in his bed. Again.  
  
A dream?  
  
He asked himself, feeling nausea and anxiety starting to bubble up from inside.  
  
For once… just for once he didn’t want this to be a dream.  
  
He took a deep breath, looking out the window.  
  
Everything was white. Just like that day…  
  
He bit down his lips to prevent the tears from rolling down.  
  
 _If you take me back, I’m yours to keep._  
  
If this was a dream… why is the empty space next to him so warm?  
  
Somebody was humming an old love song he hasn’t listened to in years…  
  
Somebody…  
  
Baekhyun?  
  
“You’re up…” He was smiling.  
  
He was smiling and all Chanyeol could do to believe it was real, to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him again, was to hold him as tight as possible. So he did.  
  
“Are you…crying?”  
  
Chanyeol nuzzled against Baekhyun’s neck, shaking his head. He wasn’t crying… he wasn’t…  
  
“I just…” He wasn’t sobbing.  
  
“I thought I dreamt it all.”  
  
Baekhyun’s arms wrapped around him, holding him back. He was real.  
  
“I’m sorry…” He whispered,  
  
“I meant to come back before you wake up…”  
  
“You’re here now…”  
  
Later when he was on his way to the kitchen to make breakfast, Chanyeol noticed the plastic bag Baekhyun was holding the previous night was carefully placed under the Christmas tree, a sticky note on top of it.  
  
He crouched on the floor to read it.  
  
 _It’s not the one you wanted back then, that one is still at my place. But I hope you like it.  
Merry Christmas, Chanyeol. I’m sorry I’m so late. _  
  
Chanyeol smiled, holding back the tears that threatened to come out again, he cried too much already…  
  
And yet, when he saw that hat and familiar arms sneaked around him from behind, the tears just spilled on their own.  
  
“I love you.” Baekhyun whispered, resting his head on the other’s shoulder, still hugging him from behind, slightly shaking.  
  
Chanyeol turned around in his arms, cupping the older man’s face between his hands,  
  
“You’re crying…”  
  
“No, you are…” Baekhyun muttered, looking away, making him laugh.  
  
“I love you too.” Chanyeol smiled before brushing their lips together,  
  
“So much…” He murmured between kisses.  
  
  
It was snowing again, but this time the snow didn’t bring the cold lonely feeling with it.  
  
They were together again, cuddled under the blanket on Chanyeol’s couch, watching Iron Man 3 to Baekhyun’s demand and drinking hot chocolate.  
  
Everything was fine again… They were fine.  
  
 _We will be fine. We always are, aren't we?_  
  
 _-The end._  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> A\N - So I'm pretty sure I started this before my flight to London before Christmas last year? Mostly inspired by Miracles in December and My Turn to Cry. I found it again few days ago, and with a playlist of these two songs and Sing For You, I was finally able to finish it. I honestly have no idea what I wrote. nope. not me. Also, sorry for making them cry so much -notreallysorry- gross. /runs away~  
> anyway,  
> Happy Holidays everyone, whatever you're celebrating! ^^ <3


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